Tuesday, October 11, 2011

So I Won't Be a Stranger

I hate my father. 

Not him as a person, but as far as him playing the role of a father, I hate him. Not because he wasn't any good at it, not at all, just for the fact that he quit on us. I grew up hating what he did and promising myself that I would one day be a better father than he ever was. I have realized that although I am named after him, look like him and from what I have been told have a lot his characteristics, personality traits and tastes--I don't know the man.

I love my daughter.

I love her as a person, I lover her as the chance I have been given to make my life mean something. Out of all the things I have missed most about my relationship with my father is the fact that I do not know who he is, what makes him tick. I don't know what team he roots for or what is his favorite song. I have not received a single piece of advice from him in the last 20 years. I will not do the same with my daughter.

This is who I am.

I will write this blog with the hopes that one day my daughter will be old enough to understand and appreciate what her old man has to say. Maybe one day we will read it together and laugh or if I am unlucky she will use it to remember me. Either way I want to leave a record for her to know who her father was through his own words. I want her to know what makes me the man I am, to understand my thoughts, opinions and motivations.